i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
