omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
