I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The uberlube is also flammable
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
