he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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