By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
