I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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