Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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  (925): First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so. http://tfl.nu/lvgi
  Replies (90) Good night (647) Bad night (9669) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.

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  (630): just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description. http://tfl.nu/30ew
  Replies (13) Good night (443) Bad night (2342) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.

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  (302): I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers. http://tfl.nu/ujt7
  Replies (13) Good night (535) Bad night (3210) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.

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  (803): i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them. http://tfl.nu/cyia
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?

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  (516): Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom? http://tfl.nu/hpn8
  Replies (31) Good night (1191) Bad night (5954) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

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  (443): but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it http://tfl.nu/n2yq
  Replies (11) Good night (938) Bad night (3744) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

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  (949): I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/xcpk
  Replies (46) Good night (1078) Bad night (9539) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

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  (615): Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can. http://tfl.nu/eowl
  Replies (16) Good night (5325) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday

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  (715): Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday http://tfl.nu/15ro
  Replies (6) Good night (2641) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

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  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (964) Bad night (5551) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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  (630): the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed http://tfl.nu/eaof
  Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (1547)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

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  (303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k
  Replies (13) Good night (521) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.

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  (785): He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever. http://tfl.nu/1thi
  Replies (1) Good night (994) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.

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  (563): He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name. http://tfl.nu/wgo9
  Replies (7) Good night (407) Bad night (1528) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.

  (619): View more from California

  I will find you...

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  (818): We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank. (619): I will find you... http://tfl.nu/dshk
  Replies (16) Good night (2205) Bad night (374)

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