I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill