problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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