I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
