Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

Fav 53 1040 5805
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina

Fav 15 2816 1304
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(515): View more from Iowa

we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records

Fav 23 4930 867
share tweet
(858): View more from California

Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.

Fav 31 1648 4917
share tweet
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

Fav 20 8867 1661
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing

Fav 4 3209 1100
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(631): View more from New York

She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

Fav 6 4056 1149
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.

Fav 2 624 450
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(506): View more from New Brunswick

I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts

Fav 1 10 61
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT