I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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