Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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