$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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