Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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