just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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