I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
