I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
