I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
