well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we should paint friendship bongs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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