I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
