no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
