Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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