a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
