And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Farmville is her only friend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
