A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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