mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
