everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
