Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
