Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
