stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
