Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
