If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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