Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need moral support for this bender
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
