I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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