He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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