I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
