Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
