Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
