we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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