Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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