I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
