You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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