I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My vagina just clenched in fear
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
