whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
