HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
