I think my vagina is haunted
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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