I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize