YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
