Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
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I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
as a side note pls kill me