oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.