Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day