so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.