NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.