i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.