her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?