He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.