1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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