Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE