Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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