VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
