Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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