i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize