There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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