I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
