Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
