Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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