Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize