Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
