What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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